I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
