i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
