the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize