Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
