I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
