i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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