Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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