I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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