It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
