u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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