Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
