whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
