I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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