If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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