What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
