I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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