go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
