I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
