Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my poor anus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
