Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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