there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
