Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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