I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
