This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
