if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize