Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize