I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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