idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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