Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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