New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
