now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
