After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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