I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
