Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
