please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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