Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
