I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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