I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
