that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
