So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
