We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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