take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
