K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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