If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
