so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
