Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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