i don't like sucking hair
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize