I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Welp...herpes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
