Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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