I'm drive I can fine osifer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
