Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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