Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize