I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
