I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
