Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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