I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
