census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
