May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
