Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
