fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
