it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize