there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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