So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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